by Annie Medina, Graduate Intern at Relation-Shift

Coaches play a critical role in young men’s lives because athleticism is a cornerstone of mainstream American masculinity. According to data from ESPN (2013), 60% of boys are already on a sports team by age 6 and 61% of boys across grades 3-12 believe sports are a core part of their identity. Journalist Peggy Orenstein found that men relished in “the physicality, the camaraderie, the competition, the healthy release of aggression, [and] the pure delight in the game” (Boys & Sex, p. 20).

Young men benefit immensely from their engagement in sports. Researchers have found that sports improve their ability to communicate, collaborate, and express empathy in the classroom and on the field. Coaches play a large role in this positive development. According to a report released by The Aspen Institute Project Play, belonging to a sports team led by a great coach is associated with enhanced academic achievement as well as robust cognitive skills related to self-esteem, goal-setting, and leadership. Coaches also play a large role in boys’ decisions to advance in their sport; 22% of percent of boys quit their sport due to a strained relationship with their coach.

Advocates, like Coach Reed (Executive Director of STAR Soccer Club, Director of Predator Prep Goal Scoring Academy, and Staff Coach for the Cincinnati Saints Professional Soccer Team), stress how important it is that coaches take advantage of their immense platform and strive to train both their bodies and their minds. He calls for ‘coaching beyond the game’ and using their leadership position to teach essential life skills and model positive forms of masculinity, i.e. a man is courageous as well as honest, respectful, and resilient. Strong relationships coaches build with young men under their care can last a lifetime; the embodied skills needed to play a given sport lose their importance once men leave the field. Coach Reed poignantly says, “When you tell a child you believe in them, you light a flame in them that burns well beyond any game.” Therefore, as a trusted adult in young men’s lives, a coach has the profound opportunity and responsibility to shape young boys into upstanding men that develop healthy relationships throughout their lives.

But...what do ‘strong’ and ‘positive’ relationships look like? Jim Davis, the founder of The Good Athlete Project, reasons that an athletic team is the “perfect place” to develop skills essential to healthy relationships because tight-knit sports teams and intimate relationships both require “reciprocity, mutual respect, shared purpose, and healthy conflict resolution.” To pave the way to victory, team members need to develop a shared purpose (ideally, to do the best they can), strong communication skills to coordinate on a field and hold teammates accountable, as well as coping skills to deal with both victory and defeat. Practicing these skills in community with teammates can help prepare them for healthy romantic relationships down the road.

Since coaches are responsible for establishing the team’s culture, it is essential they have the awareness (perspective) and the language (skills) to cultivate team values of mutual respect and healthy communication. Unfortunately, it seems many coaches do not have, or chose not to employ, these tools. New York Times bestselling author, Peggy Orenstein’s book Boys & Sex documented intimate conversations with young men across the US. In these interviews, boys reported that coaches not only fail to call out discriminatory, violent language and/or behavior, but they themselves endorse victim-blaming and other misogynistic values. Orenstein reasons this is likely a product of the antiquated values we still uphold about masculinity. In response, she suggests that male coaches and physical education teachers need support from school administrators to become better mentors for their male athletes and prevent sexual violence.

Relation-Shift suggests some of the following approaches school administrators can take, as inspired by Peggy Orenstein’s latest book, Boys & Sex:

⭐Engage male coaches and P.E. teachers in training sessions about key issues related to gender and sexual misconduct.

These male role models need opportunities to critically assess their own understanding of masculinity and the ways they project these values onto their male students. In order to develop competency, coaches need the language and understanding to prevent and respond to sexual violence. Then, they can use their platform to be credible and capable advocates to break down the walls of the ‘man box’ that keeps boys from being emotionally vulnerable, repel homosexuality, and denigrate femininity.

What should this training include?

According to the “Starting the Conversation,” coaches should learn to:

Distinguish sexual bullying, sexual harassment, and sexual assault
Identify characteristics of both healthy and unhealthy relationships
Understand the spectrum of unhealthy behavior: common behaviors can escalate into an unhealthy relationship and good people can do harmful things
Express language for both consent and dissent
Create a culture of respect that holds students accountable for their words/actions

⭐Empower all staff members to be upstanders and call out behaviors of toxic masculinity so that a school can collectively dismantle jock culture.

Peggy Orenstein found that many men left their sport because of ‘toxic jock culture.’ Locker rooms are often the epicenter of this bro-culture. In the hallowed halls, bragging about physical strength and sexual prowess is considered ‘bonding’ while ‘team membership’ justifies bullying, entitlement, aggression, and violence on the path to victory. Coaches spearheading this team have the trust and authority to call out and critically discuss these patterns of discriminatory behavior. But, these behaviors rear their heads outside the context of athletics. This is often because male athletes are often leaders in their communities. Therefore, a collaboration between school-wide stakeholders would strengthen the overall effort to quell sexual violence and weave a seamless narrative about healthy and appropriate ‘masculine’ behavior.

⭐Empower student-athletes by giving them opportunities to be upstanders within their community and work to prevent sexual violence, sexual bullying, and sexual harassment.

Student-athletes often have high social status and the influence to make positive shifts in peer culture. Therefore, school administrators and coaches should empower them through education, training, and involvement in advocacy initiatives to effect positive culture change with their peers online, on the field, and in the classroom. Enhancing students’ empathy, perspective-taking, relationship, and decision-making skills can help them to can model healthy behaviors, help peers in unhealthy relationships, and respond appropriately after witnessing harmful behavior and/or language. This includes, but is not limited to, name-calling, objectifying others, emotional manipulation, using force of any kind, and violent behavior.

⭐Prioritize sexual violence prevention in school policies and practices.

Schools must provide sufficient resources to prevent and respond appropriately to instances of sexual violence (link to our Relation-Shift resources page)Setting this example can give coaches the grounds to also begin these conversations with their athletes.

⭐For more information, check out the resources below⭐

The Good Athlete Project